Sunday, October 13, 2013

21 Ways to Raise a Daughter to Rebel and Despise You


1.     Laugh at her disobedience and bad attitude when she is two or three, because she is just so cute.

2.    Let her have whatever she whines or begs for, so you can have some peace and quiet.

3.    Idolize her while she is a preschooler, because clearly she is so far ahead of everyone else.

4.    When her bad attitude is not so cute anymore, just grin and bear it with the consolation of your friends in similar situations, because it is just a stage that all kids go through, and it will pass.

5.    Make sure she knows that you feel that the first day of school is the best day of the year. Cheer and high-five other parents at the bus stop because you finally get a much-needed break.

6.    Expect that she will rebel when she is a teen, because it is a natural part of growing up.

7.    Let her hang around friends who are bad influences, because you don’t want to shelter her from the real world.

8.    Let her develop relationships with friends that are closer than those of her family, because peer socialization is a vital need.

9.    Let her wear what everyone else is wearing, even though it is immodest, because you don’t want her to feel left out or made fun of. It’s the heart that matters, anyway.

10.  Let her watch whatever movies and TV shows that everyone else is watching, because you don’t want to be overprotective.

11.  Let her read whatever teen magazines or romance novels everyone else is reading, because you want to encourage the love of reading, no matter what it is.

12.  Make sure she is a part of a church youth group, because not everyone can disciple at home, and kids listen to youth leaders more than their own parents, anyway.

13.  Let her have a private Facebook page, email account, and texting because it’s none of your business what she is saying or displaying to her friends.

14.  Don’t ever read her diary, even when you have good cause to believe that she could be harming herself or may harm others, because that’s just plain awful.

15.  Don’t ever pull her out of public school, and certainly not Christian school, even if you see it is affecting her negatively, because then she will not have access to extra-curricular activities or be able to get into a good college.

16.  Follow the advice of those in positions of authority, because they are wiser than you. The fact that they are losing their own children, makes absolutely no difference.

17.  Don’t take advice from those who have successfully raised godly children, because you don’t want to be legalistic and overprotective like they were.

18.  Don’t discipline her for disobedience or bad attitudes when she is older, because you don’t want to lose her as a friend.

19.  Let her keep her music, friends, phone, computer, game console, TV, etc. because those are rights, not privileges.

20. Let her hear you tell other people that you can’t wait till she is on her own and out of the house, because then she will no longer be your responsibility, and you can finally do what you want to do.

21.  Just give up, because there is simply nothing you can do.


Don’t be intimidated by this long list! None of these are hard to do; in fact, you will find that this is the easiest way to raise your little princess…

Photo Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/vauvau/3466024918
to rebel and despise you.





23 comments:

  1. Great post! Now I see where your son, R, gets his insights : )

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  2. Preach it, sister! I know you are the best mother, I have seen how you raise your own children. This is not only so true, I know you live it. When I see parents get so frustrated at their teens I think to myself, "Bet you thought he was cute when he was a puppy. Puppies grow into those big paws." Start disciplining those children before they can even walk, parents. I love you and am sharing this with everybody!

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    1. Yes, it's very sad to see such cute little kids, and know what they will most likely become when they are older. I've seen it over and over, and couldn't stay silent any longer.

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  3. Do you have a follow up for how to correctly handle you 'cute little disobedient' girl? My husband is so much better at helping our daughter, I just get frustrated. I know all the 'wrong' stuff to do, and in theory know the 'right' stuff. And obviously every kid is different and the 'handling' changes, even though the rules don't. (example, one son does push-ups, another goes to bed early :P ).

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    1. Yes, that would require a whole other blog post (or book!) Yes, theory is easy, but practice is hard! I believe that the first thing is a good relationship between the two of you, with lots of smiles and approval. Next is consistency. Don't let things slip, because you are just making it harder on both of you the next time. Discover what consequence has the strongest affect on your child, since every child responds differently to different things. Then again, stay consistent. Finally, absolutely never discipline in anger!

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    2. I agree; this is great, but I'd like to see a follow up post (or posts), if possible.

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    3. Anonymous, please read, "To Train Up a Child" by Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy. Loaded with good old-fashioned common sense wisdom and a biblical approach to child rearing.

      Great post here, by the way. So true. Keep on writing!

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    4. I appreciate your post and connect how we parent and our views here with those you've written in your list. However, I would never recommend anything by Michael and Debi Pearl. There are varying view points on them, their theology and their practices -- I'm of the belief that they are misled, misleading and hurting children in the name of Jesus. Wanted to put that out there as an evangelical Christian who agrees with the principles you've stated -- so it's not only the followers of the Pearls' methods that raise children with similar goals and values using a biblical model of parenting.

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    5. (Different "anonymous")
      What Darlin, "hurting children" is a serious charge. Can you suggest any resources that explain where the Pearls went wrong, and how we should raise our children instead? After all, that book is recommended fairly often, and I have found the advice I gained from it to be very helpful so far (my kids are 2 and 6 months).

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    6. I have also found the Pearls very helpful. Sadly, I think people have taken things they've said out of context. Also, as with any topic, people may carry out the advice in a way that was never intended by the author.

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    7. (yet a third anonymous)
      I have to say that, while I disagree with the Pearl's theologically (I'm Catholic), I believe their child training techniques have much merit. My parents put some of the Pearl's techniques into practice when I was growing up, and, looking back now as a married adult, I wish they had done it more wholeheartedly. I can see now (especially now that I've read 'To Train Up a Child') the places where my parents either slipped up or chose not to practice the Pearl's techniques, and I can see how some of my faults may have been corrected, or been less of an issue, had my parents followed the Pearl's advice completely. (ie, feeling I can do stuff (small stuff, I promise!) without consequences)
      The Pearl's children seem to be very well adjusted, and the techniques were developed on them. You may want to watch this webinar when you have time: http://nogreaterjoy.org/video/the-fruit-of-child-training-webinar/?video_slug=. In it the Pearl children discuss with their parents what it was like growing up in the Pearl household and how it has affected them. It's really worth the time.
      Diane F.

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  4. I would add "Push her too far." I can see my daughter at 5 already rebelling when I expect too much from her as the oldest child, and I know that's not healthy for her.

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    1. Yes, my mother pushed me much too hard and I would say that is what played a role in my rebellion (including my old sin nature). I played the role of "good girl" until I was in high school and then figured, "What's the point? Nothing I do pleases her." My mom did none of the things on this list (oh wait, she did #20) and I still rebelled. =)

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  5. I love this post! Currently, i'm the meanest mom ever and i'll proudly wear that badge because I tell my girls "no".

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  6. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this!!! We are raising two wonderful daughters, age 16 and 12, and have been so blessed! It makes me very sad to hear others around me raise their eyebrows and say awful things about raising teenagers... "just wait til they're teenagers", etc. I was an unbelievably rebellious teenager and college student, and we have made conscious efforts to ensure that our daughters do not go down the same path.

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  7. Beautiful post!! I hope you have a list for boys soon -- though most of this can be applied to sons too! I wrote something about immodesty on my FB yesterday when I saw about 15 underage, scantily clad girls in tiny spandex at Dairy Queen yesterday. We must stand up for godliness.

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  8. Amen - thanks for a delightful list!

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  9. This is much needed in today's day and age, and I agree with this list, but, would also add "Under no circumstances allow her to have an opinion that differs from your own, on any topic, because you are always right.", "Never try to figure out what is making her misbehave, only punish her.", "Talk about her like she's not in the room.", "Never give her any privacy and let her know you don't really trust her.", "Don't listen to her.", "Never apologize or admit when you've made a mistake or wronged her.", and "Make her feel like a failure by consistently pointing out all of her faults."

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  10. LOVE THIS! Cassandra @ http://www.theunpluggedfamily.com

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  11. This is an awesome post and can be equally applied to boys as well.
    A book I found helpful was "Shepherding a Child's Heart."
    Speak with them, not at them, guide them, get to the base of the issue instead of just punishing the action. And remember, it is a parent's job to love, discipline, and protect their hearts, no matter the age.
    I have a 14 y/o son, in public high school, on the football team, with lots of friends and acquaintances, who told me a couple of weeks ago that I was his best friend.
    This has not been my goal, but looking back, my mom was my best friend...
    I am far tougher on him than his father is (he divorced me years ago). I expect him to help out around the house; his father has a maid. I expect him to show respect and I lead by example. His father yells and demands undeserved respect. I have realistic expectations and encourage him to do his dead-level best. His father demands perfection. I closely monitor his games, videos, apps. His father lets him do what he wants. I talk to him about faith, love, God. His dad does whatever feels good. I set a bedtime and enforce it. His father is asleep right after dinner and leaves the house at 4:15am and gets back around 6:30pm. I do not have a regular schedule due to my job, but let him know that I value our time together and sometimes insist on it when I feel him slipping. You know, making cookies together or going 'leaf-looking' and such aren't high-powered, "listen to my lecture" times, but rather, let's hang out and talk about whatever pops into our minds kind of times. It's not a competition, but he prefers my company to his father's. When he's at his dad's, he spends all his time with his friends. When he's with me, his friends come over and spend time with us.
    I know my son is just an early teen, but I think we've got a solid foundation and with my son's life; he needs that steady, firm foundation built on faith, love, & trust. Having parents living far away from each other at times, those hours in the car with my son have been awesome times of great connection. My Grandma told me that my Grandpa always talked better and more openly when he wasn't trapped in a face to face conversation. My son seems to be the same way...

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  12. Excellent post. Thanks so much for sharing such wisdom in an interesting way.

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